Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
