No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He better not be in your backpack
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The uberlube is also flammable
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
