saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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