So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
