I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
