A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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