Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
