My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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