He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize