moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
