Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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