I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize