If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
