just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
