I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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