Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
whose parrot is this?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
