if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sex in a hospital.. check
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
