Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
