Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
