i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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