I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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