My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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