do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
