god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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