If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
