Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
