I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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