Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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