My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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