you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
