"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize