i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
