jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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