I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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