you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
