Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
