Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
