You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
