oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize