I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
