I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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