the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i drank out of a bidet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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