Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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