Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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