About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I still have a little drunk in my system
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
