Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
even my farts smell like vagina
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
either way he was missing a nipple.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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