We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
