I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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