I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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