you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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