It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
