I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
