I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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