Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
