Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
