So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
