The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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