I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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