dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
