NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize