She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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