the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
