She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
