May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
