Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
