i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
