You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
