Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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