I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
