i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
