I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
be right there i have to get my cape
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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