i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
