FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
