theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
