He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
