why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
