just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize