over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
