If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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