Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
