I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
