I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
