So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize