I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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