I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
