it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize