it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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