Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
